Labeling Failure

What is failure? Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it takes to make and not make something happen. I was feeling down because I was unable to hold a function at the time I had originally planned and I saw that as a failure on my part. I then got into a discussion with people in my life about what failure is, and is postponing or not doing something a failure. Is failure trying and things not turning out the way you like, or can you include not trying at all as a failure. I personally was including  not holding the event as a failure, for me not trying or not trying hard enough means that I failed. 

Thinking about it now I think failure is an interesting word, one for me that holds a lot of negative emotions and weight. According to Webster Merriam dictionary online failure means  "a state of inability to perform a normal function, lack of success". In the case of the event I had definitely failed to perform certain functions but in no way was there a lack of success. For one I beleive that I successfully learned some much needed lessons about what it takes for me to have these events. I saw the  kind of effort and support  I need to have in place in order to keep moving.

Furthermore what I try to remind myself is that there can only be a "lack of success" when you give up. We never know when or how success is coming so there is always a chance for it to show up. But more important words like 'failure" are labels that we give meaning to. Something can only be a failure if I deem it so, and so it is up to me to declare positive, encouraging words to all my endeavors. I get to look at my experiences as chances to learn and grow, realizing that it is ok to let things go that are no longer working for me or make the necessary adjustments to my time schedule.

Calling Out Fear

Right now I've started studying for an exam that I think will help me in my professional career. As I was studying a barrage of negative thoughts hit me. Do I have enough experience to pass, am I dedicated enough to commit to a rigorous study schedule? The negative thoughts eventually evolved to me wondering if the test was necessary at all. I began to go back and forth on whether I wanted to take the test and if that is truly where I wanted to put my focus at this time. 

This morning I was reading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, I've just begun the chapter on Fear and it stated "Indecision is the seedling of fear! Indecision crystallizes into doubt, the two blend and become fear!" It was like the words were speaking right to my earlier conversation about whether or not I should take the test. At the base of my indecision and doubt was fear. Fear that I wasn't good enough, smart enough or dedicated enough to pass the exam.

I had a conversation with a coach recently regarding my fear and we began to take a look at all the goals that I've accomplished in the past. I was smart and dedicated enough to complete school, to switch industries and find a job at a non-profit and to complete a truck load of other significant accomplishments. We began to look at what it took for me to accomplish goals in the past. I began to remember how I put plans in place, set time aside and asked for support. I then began to look at the goals ahead of me now and figure out how I could use those same strategies that worked in the past. I won't say that the fear disappeared immediately but I will say that more and more my focus became my next action steps. Excitement started to build and although I knew it would be a lot of work I began to see myself taking action steps and visualizing the results I wanted. Soon there was no time to focus of fear. After uncovering what was really at the base of my indecision and doubt I knew that I couldn't let fear and self-doubt stop me for going for the big win.

Mourning Change

Sometimes if feels like the affects of a change can hit you out of no where. I have been going through a change that actually started back in May but I felt like all of a sudden the implications of that change have really stuck out to me. Maybe for me it's a sign that I am finally beginning to let things and people go. Or maybe it could signal a bigger change that needs to take place in my life.

Change is a natural part of life but as we all know it can be hard. For me I feel like when the change is happening I'm so wrapped up in it that I don't have the time to mourn what I've lost. Even though I know that what I've lost in most cases is for the better, and is making room for something greater. There is still that since of losing what is comfortable and familiar. I am realizing that at times it is okay to be with my feelings around a situation. Not necessarily stay stuck but give myself the time and space to feel what I feel.  From this space I can better mourn what I've lost and make plans for what needs to happen next.

I think that putting plans in place around anything in our lives excites us to move forward. Hope begins to become the dominant emotion and that can replace that since of morning that may have originally been felt. Hope mixed with faith that everything is already working out in perfect order are what keeps me motivated to execute my plans and step into the next stage of my life.

Owning My Goals

This week the question of what am I passionate about came up twice. I had to come to grips with the fact that maybe i am not working as quickly on a project as I could be or giving it 100% because it is not something that I truly want. I see how it is a good idea and that was the reason that I began the project in the first place but when I truly ask myself what I want I know it's not it. And it shows in my productivity.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has taken on goals because of family pressure or because they sounded like a fruitful idea, even though their heart wasn't in it. Sometimes we want so badly at times to take on other people's goals for us and make them our own.  Just recently I met a man who started various construction companies because his family thought it was the best way for him to make money, which he did. But despite the money he still wasn't happy and it is now in his 50's that he is following his dream of feeding the homeless and less fortunate.

I want to follow my heart now. I know that making money is important but it's not so important that I want to risk looking back in 20 years and wishing I had followed my heart. I know that if I chase what my heart wants the money will come, especially since I will be putting  100% of myself into my work. A clear desire followed by persistent action will be my key to success.

My Quest for Patience

I have recently started a training with the wonderful Millicent St. Clair of LIGMO (Let It Go Move On), and I have been almost shocked with how many messages have come to me about letting things go. This Sunday I attended service at Unity of New York, and the message centered around St. Francis  of Assisi and not being attached to material goods. The pastor instructed us to let go of things and people that were not serving us. I immediately made a mental note of all the things in my apartment that I need to go through. I have clothes I don't wear, books I'll never read again and not to mention tons of papers and mail that can be discarded. I know that right now this is a time of release for me and whenever I forget the universe reminds me.

 

More then letting go of things, I know there are old ideas I need to release. One of which is my attachment to how I think things are suppose to turn out. I have been teaching a lot of classes on interviewing lately and the questions of "What is your biggest weakness" is always addressed. I have been thinking that my biggest weakness right now is patience. I get a clear vision of what I want and then I want it right now. More than just wanting it right now I get frustrated when it doesn't come in my timing, instead of letting the universe do its work. That frustration really does nothing but put negative energy out into the world and block my good.

 

I think that focusing on non-attachment will help me in my quest for patience. Knowing that everything is already alright and that I am in my perfect place in life will allow more good and prosperity to effortlessly flow into my life. This is not to say that I will stop working towards my goals, just that I will stop stressing towards them. I will move forward knowing that right where I am is prosperous, wonderful and filled with never ending good.

Staying True To Your Goals

Why do we want the goals we say we want? I know that I want to get married and have kids. Now that is not for everyone and I’ve had to examine where the need comes from for me. Is it me trying to outrun the stereotype of being single educated black woman? Is it a measure of worth? Yes, actually I believe for me, there is still a little of both of those concepts wrapped up in it. But more than that for me it is about starting a committed family. Raising children in a way that they feel most supported and safe and also raising daughters that know that they deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is 100% committed to them. Even if for them that commitment does not look like marriage.

I am also learning that you need to have people in your life who are on the same page with you. I recently went through a breakup because my partner did not want the same things in life as me. And as hard as that is I know that in the end it’s for the best. Neither of us should have to compromise what we want for our lives.

I’m not going to say I didn’t waiver, question what I want, fear that maybe it wasn’t in the cards for me. But I know that I have to surround myself with people, literature and messages that align with my thinking. With the thought that I have the power to create the life I want through my thinking, actions and by staying committed to my goals.

The Boredom Trap

What do we do to shake off that feeling of stagnation at work. Lately I've been feeling bored with the work I'm doing at my day job. I know that having a day job is extremely important for me right now and that I'm helping others, which is one of my main goals at this time of my life. But lately I've been feeling as though the day to day has become extremely routine and often times I sit at my desk feeling quite bored.

 

One thing that I am starting to realize is that I can't wait around for someone else to give me a project to work on or make the job exciting. I need to fish out ways to bring back the passion to my job. One thing that the job has going for it is that I am always around new and interesting people. Clients change on a daily basis and getting to know them as individuals and finding out how I can be of service to them is a great way to bring that passion back into my work activities.

 

Another thing that I want to start doing is listing every day something that I learned. Life is about growing and learning and quite frankly when you stop growing in a position it's usually because you've outgrown it. I'm going to start making a mental list of all the things I learn at my job, whether it be about myself, the work or people in general.

 

More than anything else I'm going to take these lessons and utilize them in other areas of my life and business. I know that the job I have is an important piece in my master plan towards building my own business. These lessons will aid me in dealing with others, learning valuable skills and inspire me to keep moving forward. I accept these lessons with gratitude and each day I try to remember that the only thing keeping me stagnated or bored is my own thinking.